Eventually
by Moresassythanclassy
Summary: This is a one shot after the episode fron this week 'Spoils Of War'. The episode was so intense, I needed to get this out of my system. Hope you like it!


The episode was so emotional and I just can't get over it so I needed to write this down. I hope you like it!

Again - Thank you to the always amazing **Bamie02**. You're the best!

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Afghanistan was rough on so many levels. Being there - being a part of a war where you can trust nobody but yourself - it changes you. It's hard to carry that weight every single day, and carry it alone. It broke Kensi, the thing that nobody thought was possible happened. Kensi Marie Bly was broken and no one could blame her. Nobody should have to go through the things she went through; most of the human population wouldn't survive what she went through.

The only one she allows around her and wants around her is Deeks, the only one who can make her feel safe, calm her down and comfort her when she needs it. He knows her like nobody else and knows what to do without making anything worse.

She has to be honest. She is thankful Jack was there for two reasons. At least now she knows that he is still alive and she had the opportunity to ask him the questions she had been carrying with her all these years. She needed this to finally put it all behind her. And second, she was 'happy' that she had someone with her in that cave, that she wasn't alone during it all because she has never been more scared in her whole life.

But when it really got rough, when she thought the end was near all she could think about was the most important person in her life. Deeks. Her partner, her soul mate, _her everything_. All she did was think about him – like he did in the Sidorov case – She needed to push through, she needed to get out of this because whatever was going on between them, it was not going to end like this. They had one night and didn't even have a decent conversation about it. All she did was ask him to be patient, but she didn't meant it like this.

A little light in the dark tunnel came when they pushed her and Jack forward and made them walk away from the troop. She had no idea how she was still moving, every inch of her body was screaming to stop but she had to push through, _for him_. When she found the power to look up she met his gaze, his beautiful blue eyes, full of concern and more importantly, love. She thought she was hallucinating, she had been thinking about him so much, it could make sense.

But when she looked farther she saw the rest of the team and that's when it hit her - it's over, they're here, we'll live. She always knew it that even if they are miles apart, when she needs him he will be there for her. _He saved her!_ Of all people, he saved her.

The whole thing has been going through her head non-stop since they got back. She has tried to move passed it but she doesn't seem able to do it. Deeks hasn't left her side; he has been there every step of the way.

They're laying in her bed, his arms wrapped around her, her head on his chest. He knows what is going on in her head right now and he wished he could take it away from her. He hates seeing her like this.

"Kensi." Sound barely comes out of his mouth but she comes back to reality anyway.

She just stares at him with tears in her eyes.

He pushes away some strokes of hair, trying to find the right words to say. When he's finally ready to start speaking Kensi starts talking.

"Remember when I told you after you were…" She is hesitating and Deeks notices she has trouble talking. He starts moving his hand on her back, trying to comfort her, letting her know it's fine and that he's there, no matter what. She continues. ".. After the Sidorov case, I told you I knew where you were going through."

He just nods at her.

Tears start rolling down her cheeks. "I was wrong, I was so wrong. I am so sorry!"

"No no, shhh, you don't have to be sorry. I wish you still didn't know what it feels like."

"It was really bad!" Tears start streaming harder when she repeats the words that she said back in Afghanistan. Deeks tightens his grip around her, placing a kiss on the top of her head. She grabs the fabric of his shirt, her grip so tight like her life depends on it.

"Does it ever get better?" Her voice is shaking.

"It does... But it takes time. Things like this leave a scar, you have to learn to live with it, that doesn't just happen in a day or two."

"Right now I just don't see a way to get out of this."

"You have to take it one day at a time but you're not in this alone, Kens." He intertwines their fingers, not losing her gaze.

A little smile develops on her face; it's the first he has seen in a while. "I know. There is no one I'd rather have here than you. I can't thank you enough."

"I am your partner. On every level of the word. I am not only here when the sun is shining and the future looks bright as diamonds. I will always be here, even if you don't want me to, I am never giving up on you."

"Promise?"

Deeks was a surprised for a moment but answered her with determination. "That's a promise."

"We'll get through this together, right?"

He smiles at her, and that smile warms her heart. It makes her remember the happiness she felt before all this happened. It makes her feel the way she wants to feel every second of the day again. "Of course we will."

"I wouldn't be able to do it without you."

"Like I wouldn't have gotten through it without you."

Tears come up in her eyes again. They both went through things people shouldn't go through. She lays her head down on his chest again, wrapping her arm firmly around him. He responds by tightening his grip as well, letting her feel safe.

"We will be fine." She whispers before she falls back to sleep. Afraid of the dreams that might hunt her again but she needs to catch up with hours and hours of sleep.

"Eventually." He answers while placing another kiss on the top of her head.

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So, that's it! I am kinda nervous about it so please leave me a review? Let me know what you think?!


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